


Incomplete souls

by orphan_account



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, M/M, Misunderstandings, Seongjoong are trying, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unhealthy Relationships, Woosan are big sad, that's pretty much it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:49:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,685
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23085787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In a universe where souls transcended worlds and ages to unite, a universe where one only reached an eternal slumber filled with serenity after having consolidated and come together to become one with what it has been so desperately aching for, to not be born with a soulmark, was almost a life sentence to perpetual anguish and misery.Similarly, to seek out the one who's body adorns an identical tattoo to yours, only for the mark to slowly grow faint until there's no sign of it, holds nothing but heartache or grief at the pitiful ending.Kim Hongjoong and Jung Wooyoung are two souls who share these pitiful stories.
Relationships: Choi San/Jung Wooyoung
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Incomplete souls

**Author's Note:**

> This might come across as messy,  
> but I hope it's worth the read! :D

"Would you rather...lose your soulmate mark, or be a markless?"

In a universe where souls transcended worlds and ages to unite, a universe where one only reached an eternal slumber filled with serenity after having consolidated and come together to become one with what it has been so desperately aching for, to not be born with a soulmark, was almost a life sentence to perpetual anguish and misery.

Kim Hongjoong was born with no mark.

Similarly, to seek out the one who's body adorns an identical tattoo to yours, only for the mark to slowly grow faint until there's no sign of it, holds nothing but heartache or grief at the pitiful ending.

And this is to occur in only two scenarios, as far as their world has witnessed. One, one or more of the missing pieces of one soul die before having completed each other. And two, any of the fragments losing their once mutual feelings, be it friendship or romance. Both cases share one conclusion, the affected side could never feel the same happiness they once felt _._ The sharp claws of unforgiving depression would sink right into the skin of their chest, and drag them mercilessly in it's deep pit of darkness.

Ancient myths whispered stories of death by heartbreak and anguish, pain and agony. The stories painted poignant canvases of individuals who fell under with illnesses that no doctor could explain, nor ones that any medicine could soothe. However, these are yet to be proven true, and so remain illustrated as fairytales and such.

Jung Wooyoung smiles a bitter smile, bringing up his wrist to his face. 

"To lose my soulmate mark," he slowly starts, glancing a little longer at the fading mark on the silver of his wrist before letting it fall and shrugging softly.

"To lose what was once yours, or to never feel the surge of relief upon finding the rest of your soul."

Hongjoong nods a little, hugging his knees, eyes trained on the side profile of his best friend. 

"I don't think we have the luxury to dwell on such questions, when it is our reality." His voice softens and the silence from earlier blankets them once again, as though providing their miserable fates a little comfort.

_Amicus ad aras._

"Thank you, have a good evening!" 

The angelic smile his cheeks stretched into earlier slowly dims as his dull eyes remain fixed on the glass door that swings shut. The store returns to it's deafening silence, and his mind resumes the raging storm of thoughts causing him unease. It's nothing new, the same thing has been on his mind for the past _months._ It must show on his face, because the silence comes screeching to a halt when the voice besides him utters,

"San, you're doing it again." 

San shakes his head a few times before straightening his back. He mutters a small apology and a sigh follows.

Seonghwa stares at him as San keeps his gaze locked ahead of him. It barely takes a moment before his eyebrows tug forward again and his lips pull down a little. Seonghwa almost rolls his eyes, before gently nudging his best friend. 

"Sannie," he says as gently as possible, but San startles a little anyways, "talk to me. What's going on in your head, hmm?"

After a beat of silence, San lowers his gaze to the counter they are standing behind. His shoulders lift in a small shrug, and a sharp stab of pain goes straight through Seonghwa's heart at how small he seems.

"You know what it is." San mumbles under his breath. 

Tears prickle at his eyes as they drop to glance at the mark growing dim on his wrist. It's burns, ignited by the guilt and self-hatred that violently erupted in his heart.

He didn't mean to, he _swears._ His soulmate is everything any other person could have ever asked for. Anyone, besides one. 

_Amicus ad aras_.

San loves Wooyoung, he really does. And that's okay, because the love soulmates share is not strictly romantic. The feeling of love is not restricted to what lovers share privately, it isn't necessarily sexual or romantic emotions. Love could be _anything._

_As long as all the fragments shared the same love._

After all, how could a soul be composed of pieces that did not feel the same about each other? The threads woven through and between their pieces must be of the same material to connect them tightly, no?

And that's the problem, San _couldn't_ love Wooyoung like that. No matter how hard he tried.

San wondered what was wrong with him, what was missing, that he couldn't bring himself to reciprocate Wooyoung's feelings. What was broken that he couldn't just fucking _love_ like Wooyoung loved him. The love San holds for Wooyoung, doesn't match up to the feelings that Wooyoung carries in his big heart. 

When they first began dating, Wooyoung's smile was bright and his face filled with unfiltered bliss.

For a while, San felt elated too, but the piercingly loud voice that he'd attempted to push into the tiniest corner of his mind wouldn't leave, and he failed to silence it.

It felt wrong. Yet San continued to shower Wooyoung with affection and kisses, gifts and attention. He forced himself to give it his all, for Wooyoung's sake. San didn't know what he'd to himself if he was the reason Wooyoung stopped smiling, if he was the one who stole away Wooyoung's happiness.

So, San exchanged his own for Wooyoung's. And this worked, until the perfect lie San had created for Wooyoung caught on fire and was swallowed by hungry flames.

Wooyoung was the first of the two to notice the fading mark.

_"Amicus ad aras,"_ Wooyoung's eyes locked with San's as he uttered the words etched into the skin of both of their wrist, and Wooyoung's heart. His face was schooled into a neutral expression, giving away nothing of what he felt.

San raised an eyebrow, confused by the sudden words. He'd been in the middle of sorting out some of his work files in the spare bedroom they used as an office. 

Wooyoung didn't move from his position of leaning against the door frame. Instead, he silently raised his wrist into the air, the words facing San. Not understanding, San's eyes flitted from Wooyoung's to the wrist hovering in the air, then they finally settled on his own.

His glance slowly ran over the words, before widening in horror. The gasp he let out almost choked him, and he stumbled back so quickly that both him and the chair he was previously sat on flew backwards.

Wooyoung immediately rushed to his side, but San harshly batted away the hands trying to help him up. He didn't deserve it, _he didn't deserve it._

_Sorry,_ he tried to say, his words tumbling out from behind his lips as the panic rose in his throat to the point San felt like he'd be sick. Using shaky hands, San pushed himself away from Wooyoung, rising to his feet and rushing out of the room. He needed to run, he needed to get out of there. He couldn't afford looking at whatever heartbreaking expression Wooyoung would have been wearing.

San ran, and Wooyoung let him.

  
  


_Amicus ad aras._

  
  


"Do you hate him?" Hongjoong whispers quietly.

They haven't moved from their earlier position on the sofa of Hongjoong's apartment, even as the clock ticks a loud reminder that Wooyoung should have gone home a while ago. But San hasn't texted. Wooyoung knows that he won't, and it's not only because he has the graveyard shift. It wouldn't be the first time Wooyoung either stumbles into their apartment past midnight or doesn't show up.

Wooyoung takes a moment to roll the question around his mind. He licks his lips in thought before finally lifting a shoulder into a small shrug.

"Not really, I can't blame him for something he isn't at fault for," Wooyoung pauses before quietly adding, "I just wish he didn't make it easy for me to get attached." 

Hongjoong hums a little, "you would have preferred him telling you instead of playing along?"

"Yeah."

"The mark would still disappear, y'know?"

Wooyoung nods, his eyes subconsciously dropping to look at the words faintly etched into his skin.

"The mark should have been a warning," Wooyoung lets out a little, hollow laugh, _"Amicus ad aras,_ a friend until the very end." His throat feels tight and his shoulders give way under the weight of it all. It's exhausting, Wooyoung feels his back slouch and he curls into himself.

" _I_ fucked up, Hongjoong. I figured from the beginning, but I still, I wanted—" the soft skin of his wrist dampens under the tears that begin to flow. He isn't sobbing, _he shouldn't even be crying,_ Wooyoung thinks as he angrily wipes at his tears.

"This wouldn't have happened if _I_ didn't keep pushing to make us more, if I didn't try to turn us into something we weren't destined to be," he shakes his head, "San is the best person I could have _ever_ asked for. But I selfishly went on to push us further, and destroyed what we built in the process."

Hongjoong is silent, eyes focused on his best friend as he clutches at his hair tightly. They don't comfort each other with hugs and fake reassurances, so Hongjoong simply remains silent as Wooyoung allows himself to let out the thoughts that threaten to kill him inside.

"Not only that, but San will always blame himself, he thinks it's his fault for not loving his soulmate when it's not," Wooyoung hisses, "there's _nothing_ wrong with him!"

He doubles over and his fingers latch so tightly onto the skin on his knees through the holes in his jeans that for a moment Hongjoong debates stopping him before he draws blood. But he doesn't, and Wooyoung's next words are threaded with pure misery,

"Why must he bend and twist his feelings into the box this universe threw him into? Why should he decide who he loves because of the stupid ink that he was born with?"

His voice is nothing louder than a broken whisper and he lets out a pitiful chuckle, "I think, damned mark or not, my heart would still choose San."

A beat of silence passes, and if the silence was comforting earlier, it's now roaring from the impact of Wooyoung's emotions, a hurricane spinning and screeching so loudly in their ears, that Hongjoong clears his throat and speaks to fill the silence.

"Have you told him any of this?" It's the first time Hongjoong is hearing it, he doubts with his whole being that Wooyoung has ever said any of this outloud before. And he's right, because Wooyoung sluggishly shakes his head.

"I'm scared," he admits, more to himself than Hongjoong, "I haven't spoken to him in a while."

While they live under the same roof, Wooyoung and San almost never exchanged conversation after discovering the mark was dimming. On neither side was it intentional, but it went on and is still the case months later. It went on for long enough for it to become their new normal.

Wooyoung didn't mean to avoid San, but the guilt inside him ate him up to the point he was too ashamed to bring himself to even sit in the same room as him.

What's bitterly laughable is that San feels the exact same way, for different reasons. And the universe is cruel for this one, because the time the two share the same feelings, it isn't that of love and her many doors, but misery and her bottomless sea of rooted pain.

Hongjoong furrows his brows, "you'll need to speak about this eventually."

Shaking his head, Wooyoung lets his heavy eyelids slowly shut, "no, we don't. It won't be long until the mark completely fades anyways."

"Well then," Hongjoong hesitates, already suspecting the answer and fixes his gaze on the ground, "what will you do?"

A small quiet fills the air as Hongjoong waits for a response.

It doesn't make sense for Wooyoung and San to live together, the bond they shared is almost no longer existent, the friendship they built crumbled at it's foundation. So, when Wooyoung speaks his next words, not a single ounce of surprise seeps into Hongjoong's expression.

Instead, he reaches over and ruffles the soft lilac curls of Wooyoung's hair, and allows a small smile to stretch his cheeks. It isn't filled with happiness or coloured in with glee. Instead, it looks solemn and Hongjoong's eyes gleam with understanding.

He pulls his best friend in for a hug, resting his cheek against the top of the ruined curls. Wooyoung's arms wrap tightly against his torso, and they stay like that, until Wooyoung gently taps Hongjoong's waist.

He releases his hold, and Wooyoung is gone.

  
  


_Amicus ad aras._

  
  


San doesn't see Wooyoung the next morning. Not the morning after either.

In fact, not any morning again. Because Wooyoung is gone, and the only thing left behind to ever prove of his existence in San's life is the heartfelt, handwritten letter left next to the wilting flowers by his desk. The bouquet of flowers are beautiful, even in dying. San supposes it reflects them. The flowers are purple hyacinths, San's favourite colour. He immediately recognized the meaning of them, and is sure Wooyoung picked them purposely as it's a well known fact that San loves studying flowers. 

In the centre lies a single yellow flower, the daffodil. San sees more than a pretty bouquet, he sees Wooyoung's feelings for what it is.

An honest apology, and then, a promise of new beginnings. 

The mark, despite having completely vanished and left San's skin looking unblemished, burns with ferocity. And San finds himself missing Wooyoung, not as a lover or a friend or a _relationship,_ but as a _person_. He often catches himself wondering if the other man has found some sort of happiness, if he's treating himself well, if he's eating and sleeping well. He wonders if there'll come a time where they'll work out, be it friends or lovers, be it nothing but acquaintances. He thinks about Wooyoung waltzing back into his life like nothing ever happened. It's unheard of for one's mark to grow back after vanishing, but San wonders if they would ever be the first. 

And it's these thoughts that bring San to his current position, hunched over his desk that's lit dimly by the weak lamp besides him as the pen in his grip smoothly dances across a paper. He writes to Wooyoung, and it's only fair, he thinks. 

Although the other man could be anywhere, San writes his response as though Wooyoung is sat besides him, reading over his shoulder.

The pen flies, and his soul softly sings,

" _Thinking of you, wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard, or maybe it has already begun. There are many worlds, but they share the same sky —one sky, one destiny."_

  
  
  
  


Some would think, if the universe cared enough for two of her precious children, then surely she would have never paired them up, correct?

But the universe does as she wills, everyone is free to question her but none are granted a response. Wooyoung and San are no exception to this, and she remains silent.

The universe gives you something to work with, whether you build it up well or not lies on you.

Wooyoung and San, had they met under different circumstances, could have lived the happy tale every soul dies wishing for.

But they didn't, and this is what they've been given to work with.

_And if San and Wooyoung took a step back and glanced at it from a different perspective, a different lens, they would see that the universe blessed them with the sincerest and most profound friendship she could have given anyone._

Amicus ad aras.

**Author's Note:**

> ("Thinking of you, wherever you are. We pray for our sorrows to end, and hope that our hearts will blend. Now I will step forward to realize this wish. And who knows: starting a new journey may not be so hard, or maybe it has already begun. There are many worlds, but they share the same sky —one sky, one destiny." this is a quote and not my own words).
> 
> Thank you for reading~  
> Twitter:  
> [@butterflyhwa](https://twitter.com/butterflyhwa?s=09)


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